My dear Ben, it’s been a week since I kissed you goodbye and I want you to know that I really miss you.
This has been a really long, painful, tearful week, a week that has given me more pain than anything else ever has in my life. Your leaving me has left me in gut wrenching agony and I miss you so much.
I miss you in the morning when I wake up and can’t hear your breathing or feel the weight of your body on my feet.
I miss you when I come out of the shower and you’re not on the landing waiting for me with your tail wagging, and when I put on my socks you’re not back there on the bed ready to nudge me in the back. And as I pull on my trousers, you’ve not turned on the bed to check my progress and of course when I pick up my glasses from the bedside you don’t climb down from the bed to start our day togehter.
When I get to the top of the stairs you’re not there to gently nudge me down them and when I reach the kitchen you’re not there, sitting, waiting for your collar.
And I miss not having to say anything to you, because we both knew our routine of going to the park with instructions totally unnecessary.
I miss the way you always said “Hello” to the owners as well as the dogs you knew and the way you mugged all the people who had treats in their pockets. Your manners were impeccable and I miss the feeling of pride I had when strangers you met would comment on how good looking you were.
I miss you not being there to look after Mari when I leave the house, my instructions were always the same “Look after Mum, I’ll be home soon”.
And so it goes on all day: I miss you when I come home from work, I miss the sound of your tail banging on the floor when I smile at you, and I miss the way you sat at my feet whilst I ate supper, never begging but living in hope of a sample!
And when it’s time for your tablets I miss the way that you would just sit and open your mouth to take your medicine.
And I miss you at 10.15 every night when you’d walk into the lounge and remind me it was time for bed.
I miss our fights at bed time when you showed your strength with such control and overnight I miss the way you kept my feet from freezing on cold nights.
Your face brought me such joy at all times, your eyes gave me love and spoke volumes and never questioned. And I will miss your mad moments in the garden, the fun in the snow and swims in the river.
I will miss you in Aberaeron when you won’t be there to take me to the beach and there will definitely be no point in going without you.
When I’m driving I miss your face in the rear view mirror and your excitement when the boys came home from London.
I miss the unconditional love you gave to every member of our family. You are immensely special to me and to all of us and always will be. So I just want you to know: you will always be in our hearts and we really miss you