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The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and the British authorities off the north coast of Scotland . The transcript was released by the MoD on the 10/10/95.

BRITISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South. to avoid collision. US Navy : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid collision

BRITISH: Negative You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision US Navy : This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

BRITISH: Negative I say again divert your course.

US Navy : . THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ‘USS LINCOLN’ THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP

BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. Piss off!

I really laughed when I saw this for the first, second and third time!

Easter comes - next year

If you’re missing the fun of Christmas already then don’t worry as another “holiday” is on its way as can be seen on this new style KitKat.

It’s always nice to have another holiday booked before you finish the current one I find

Enjoy!

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Christmas isn’t the same now; my children are no longer kids and the days of Father Christmas are long gone. But the memories persist and pevery year we talk about one long-departed Christmas ritual that used to take place in our house.

When the kids were small I bought a Santa suit, beard, hat and all the trimmings. The plan was to pop out as they were upstairs having their bath on Christmas Eve and for my wife to bring them downstairs in their pyjamas to sit in the front room, with the curtains open. At the same time, I was in the back alley of our house changing into the costume.

When the time was right I’d shuffle under the weight of my sack past the front of the house and – surprise, surprise – my wife saw me and alerted the kids. Screams of excitement, noses pressed to the window as they peered out at the fat old man in their garden.

He stopped, looked at his watch and pointed to it, before pointing to the kids and then upwards suggesting the little loves should go to bed. They were gone like a shot, mainly because my wife had told them that Santa couldn’t do his stuff if they were still awake.

When I came back in, the boys were abed and my wife and I settled to finish the packing of pressies. But after a few minutes we hears noises from upstairs: the kids weren’t asleep.

Now as it happened we had an external fire escape on our house, and there was a “landing” on this stairs outside the kids bedroom window. So I got the gear on again, went up the fire escape and tapped on the window. The curtain was pulled back, a little face appeared, screamed and disappeared again.

A moment later the other littler face came to check, also screamed and that was the last we heard from them until 5 the next morning.

That was without doubt the best moment around Christmas, we kept it up until the boys were 10 and I even did guest appearances for friends who wanted their kids to see Santa.

Magical memories.

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There’s a lady in Bournemouth that has 3 careers to look after her and in a gesture of thanks and seasonal jollity she wants to give the carers a pressie. Nice touch.

In an act of stoooopppdity the Council have told her not to give the pressies as it contravenes the rules of the Care Quality commission, whoever they are.
What sort of world are we living in?

With 2 contenders already declared and one more expected it looks like we could be entering a period of intense media about the leadership election in Wales. So why not have a little fun at the same time with the election alphabet word-game?
Here are the rules:

• Three word phrases required, but in consecutive alphabetical order
• Phrases must use the first letter of a candidate’s name, first or surname as one of the letters somewhere in the run of 3 letters
• Useful little words (like: a, an. the, on, in etc) are acceptable and don’t count to the 3 word limit.

If you’re driven by Prizes – there aren’t any.

Some starters:

• Anyone but Carwyn – that’s that one out of the way!
• Definitely Edwina’s favourite
• Grabbing Huw’s ideas

If this takes off we could then go to the Election Alliteration Game.

Walking my dog this morning I was reminded of the different types of hole we have in this country.

First, I past a Public Sector hole. This had one man standing in it, someone else watching the man in the hole, for H+S reasons no doubt and someone supervising the whole hole! Alongside there were 2 others having a cigarette.

Second was the private sector hole. This had one man driving the lorry that was going to take the hole away and had one man driving the digger that was placing the hole in the lorry. Nobody was in the hole, presumably as they would get in the way of progress and the hole was about 20 times larger than the public sector hole.

And then of course there is the Prime Minister’s hole: this is a very large hole and now very deep having cost billions to dig. But it’s only a one man hole as the rest of the crew have walked away from it.

And strangely all three holes were delivered at public expense as even the private sector hole mentioned above was being dug as part of a public sector contract.

This is a bit like the airborne equivalent of a blow out on your car:

What is this fuss about four letter words? Yesteday David Cameron made a light hearted comment about the social networking site Twitter (have a peep here if you’ve not already seen it: David Cameon on Absolute Radio)when he admitted that he wasn’t “on Twitter” because “too many Tweets make a Twat”.

It’s a fair comment and I guarantee that it wasn’t original and will have been said by thousands of people beforehand. Yet he was then acused of using four letter swear words  and pushed/encouraged/forced to apologise for that . What a load of politically correct nonsense.

Twitter is a social phenomenon in some people’s eyes and it is a useful tool for engaging and developing communications. Some elected members have taken to Twittering in debates, when surely they should be concentrating on what is unfolding before them. If we need live Twitterers then let’s employ them so that the elected ones can focus correctly.

As for Cameron – I hope he remembers that there are lots of other four letter words out there that really should be used more widely by politicians. Best  example: Cuts!